And So 2011 Begins
Well tumblr. I did make a promise to you I won’t abandon you. So here I am writing.
So much had happened since 2011 arrived.
I say, I feel much blessed now.
Thank you, thank you & thank you Allah :)
At times I feel I am wrong, but I hope you can guide me through.
Someone sent me an MMS of a his kitten.
It’s so adorable it reminds me of the day I took care of my first cat, Chit. Not forgetting her babies, Cott and Coco.
Now I feel like crying because I miss their presence.
that’s what friends are for
looking at the weather outside, it has been tremendously cold.though we never experience winter in malaysia.
when i have something to write about, it will be about life. spending time with family and friends, has taught me how wonderful life can be. i miss them all the time, i can’t wait to see them, i can’t wait to be with them. the joy of falling in love with life one day i’m sure everything will change, even if you earnestly wish things won’t go that way. i’m sure they wouldn’t know the existence of this, but i dedicate this post to them. dear family, you have been more understanding when i climbed up the stairs of age.or does maturity make you see things clearer than before?you have been there since day one.
dear friends, i’ve always neglected you when you heap me with your major kindness.i was too blind to see. i guess Allah gives you hardships cause He wants you to know, things that other people won’t know or don’t want to know.when you are willing to accept things as it is, the door opens you to new opportunities.and that’s where i am now. my family, my friends. they are my troop of friends. thank you Allah, thank you.
i don’t know where i am going with this, but i just feel like writing about it. uncertainty just gives you the pleasure of appreciation. and i love you, life.
Hijrah
Another year has passed, and now we have reached 3rd of Muharram 1432.
Soon 2010 will end, and we will live another year, throughout 2011.
I am no longer the writer I used to be, but I aim to be a good writer. Good here means, I will not abandon my blog as I did before, not a good writer as in being the most popular among all bloggers. Haha. As if I could be one.
Many changes are happening around me. I am more welcoming than ever. Refreshed, alive. Finally living life as the way I should have been. Taking baby steps in knowing my creator, and InsyaAllah, I wish I would become more and more attached to Allah. Should have always been.
I watched the last 45 minutes of the movie “Love Happens” on HBO the other day. Or was it Star Movies? It was a story about a motivator, who couldn’t face the fear of being blamed for the loss of his wife. I wept watching the movie. Although I only watch merely half of the movie. The movie was corny, but sweet at the same time. Some parts of the movie just make you wonder about life. How to go on with your life, and how to stop blaming yourself for whatever that had happened. I always blame myself.
There was a quote, “The only thing separating you and me is in your mind”.
The quote made me think a lot. The quote changed me in a lot of ways.
I think I have found myself again and today, Tomok’s song inspires me. (Tak sangka Tomok boleh inspire aku..OK what, Tomok kan hensem sekarang.hahaha)
“Kini ku bebas tanpa bayangmu lagi
Bebas ‘tuk berlari
Mengejar impian aku
Yang terkunci
Walaupun tanpamu di sisi
Aku kan berlari
Teruskan berlari”
He might not be the best best lyricist, but this much, he has inspired me.
Aku akan terus berlari. Terus dan takkan berpaling lagi.
melankolik, ke?
Aku tak pandai bermadah dalam bahasa melayu..dah lama tak asah bakat puitis dalam jiwa.haha.sekarang, aku teringin berkata-kata.kata-kata yang hanya mampu wujud di dunia virtual, takkan lahir dari mulut ini.
Aku sering tertanya, apa tujuan aku?mana hala tujuku?apa yang aku cari?
Aku sedih, dengan keadaan aku yang terlalu berpaut pada suatu keadaan sampai tak mampu lepaskan, lantas menyeksa diri.pernah terlantas ide-ide buruk yang mengundang laknat Allah, zalim pada diri sendiri, maka aku terus hanyut ditelan arus.
Aku jahil, terlampau jauh dari tuhan, sesat dalam arus hidup sebagai seorang manusia, hingga lupa pada penciptaku.
Tak salah mencari cinta, tapi aku terlalu taksub pada cinta manusia, hingga lupa cinta Allah.maka semua yang terjadi pada aku, tak lain dan tak bukan, salah aku sendiri.
Padan muka kau, Idyani.
Sampai satu titik dalam hidup, aku bosan dengan kesedihan yang terpaksa aku tanggung. Sedih, tapi aku terpaksa mengharungi semua. Buta, orang menghulurkan tangan, namun aku tepis semua. Angkuh berkata aku keseorangan, walhal orang menjerit-jerit mahu menolong aku. Bongkaknya manusia.
Tapi syukur, aku peroleh jawapan setelah hidup 25 tahun di dunia.
Aku akui, masih jauh perjalanan aku mengenal pencipta. Sebesar lautan atau lebih, dosa yang aku tanggung, aku cuma berharap, ampun dari yang Esa.
Jiwa aku kini tenang.
Terima kasih, ya Tuhan, kerana tak pernah meninggalkan aku seperti mana cinta manusia mengkhianatiku.
you write it as you live life..space will give you more pages.. time will give you more things to write.. so give time & space to work its magic..
—Xiang Min
Keras
Aku ingin hati ini diperbuat daripada batu.
Supaya senang aku lupakan kamu.
Satu kesimpulan yang dapat aku buat, untuk melupakan sesorang, benci.
Lepas benci, teruskan hidup, senyum balik.
Kemudian benci hilang, bila ketemu, sayang datang.
Tapi semua takkan pernah sama seperti sebelum, kan?
Jadi bermula hari baru ini, aku akan cari semua sifat burukmu, jadi point untuk benci.
Selepas aku lupa kamu, aku harap aku dapat terima kamu sebagai kawan.
Suatu hari nanti.
Pasti.
Pergi
Wahai kamu,
“Jangan pernah cari aku lagi”, hatiku bisik.
“Jangan ceritakan pada aku lagi,” tegas hati.
“Aku tak mahu kenal kau lagi,” fikiran berkata.
Tapi tiap kali kamu datang, kaku aku tak dapat diam.
Kamu,
Jika bisa aku kata, hanya satu perkataan.
“Pergi.”
Pergi, jangan kembali lagi.
Sayu
Suatu perasaan dalam hati.
Suatu rasa untuk dia.
Tak pernah sesal, tak pernah marah.
Kerana pernah kenal rasa ini, aku gembira.
Tanpa rasa mungkin tak pernah kenal erti.
Tiada pernah rasa, tiada jiwa.
Ke mana pun kau, aku gembira.
Dunia, aku tak lagi bersedih.
Fahami itu. Aku tidak lagi sedih.
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
